IFS Therapy in Chicago
Develop a different relationship with yourself.
Sometimes, different parts of us seem to want completely different things. One part wants to move forward, while another holds us back. One part wants connection, while another pulls away. We can understand intellectually that we're being too hard on ourselves, yet still struggle to stop the critical voice in our heads.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy offers a different way to understand these experiences. Rather than fighting, suppressing, or judging the parts of ourselves we struggle with, we can begin to understand what they're trying to do and develop a more compassionate relationship with them.
I provide IFS therapy for individuals in Chicago and throughout Illinois through in-person and virtual sessions.
What If You Didn't Have to Fight With Yourself?
Maybe you've spent a lot of time trying to change certain things about yourself. You try to quiet your overthinking, push past your anxiety, stop being so self-critical, or avoid reacting in ways you later regret.
Sometimes, even when we know what we want to do differently, something seems to get in the way.
You might recognize experiences like these:
A part of you wants to slow down, but another insists you need to keep accomplishing more.
You want to be more open and vulnerable, but something makes it difficult to let people get close.
You find yourself replaying conversations, worrying about what others think, or criticizing yourself long after something has happened.
You know you deserve better, but keep finding yourself in familiar relationship patterns.
You feel pulled between wanting to make a change and being afraid of what might happen if you do.
You can be understanding and compassionate toward others, but struggle to extend that same kindness to yourself.
These experiences can leave us feeling frustrated, confused, or disconnected from ourselves.
IFS offers a way to get curious about what's happening beneath the surface. Instead of asking how to get rid of these feelings or reactions, we begin asking what they're communicating and what they might need.
What Is Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy?
Internal Family Systems, commonly called IFS or parts work, is a psychotherapy approach that understands the mind as having different parts, each with its own feelings, perspectives, and ways of responding to the world.
You might recognize some of these parts in your everyday experience:
The inner critic: The part that points out mistakes, sets high expectations, or worries that you're not doing enough.
The worrier: The part that anticipates problems, replays conversations, and tries to prepare you for what could go wrong.
The achiever: The part that pushes you to work harder, accomplish more, and keep everything under control.
The people pleaser: The part that prioritizes other people's needs, sometimes at the expense of your own.
The protector: The part that keeps you emotionally guarded, avoids vulnerability, or pulls away when relationships feel uncertain.
The vulnerable part: The part that may carry feelings of hurt, loneliness, shame, fear, or not being good enough.
These parts aren't separate personalities or signs that something is wrong with you. They're different aspects of your internal experience.
Often, the ways we think, feel, and behave make more sense when we understand the different parts involved and what each is trying to accomplish.
Why Do We Have Different Parts?
Our parts develop and adapt through our experiences and relationships. Many of the ways we respond today began as ways of navigating difficult situations, protecting ourselves, or finding connection and acceptance.
For example, a part that pushes you to achieve may have helped you feel valued or secure. A part that avoids conflict may have learned that disagreement threatened important relationships. A critical part may believe that pointing out every possible mistake will protect you from rejection or failure.
Even when these strategies no longer serve us in the same way, they may continue operating because they believe they're necessary.
IFS helps us understand these patterns with curiosity rather than judgment.
Developing a Different Relationship With Your self
One of the central ideas in IFS is that we don't have to eliminate the parts of ourselves we struggle with. We can learn to understand them and relate to them differently.
In IFS, this involves developing a connection with what is called Self.
Self isn't another part of you or something you need to achieve. It describes a natural capacity for curiosity, compassion, clarity, confidence, and connection that can become more accessible when our protective reactions aren't dominating our experience.
Think about what happens when your inner critic becomes particularly loud. You might feel frustrated with yourself, argue with it internally, or try to push it away.
IFS offers another possibility.
Rather than fighting the critical part, we can become curious about it. What is it worried would happen if it stopped criticizing you? What is it trying to prevent? What might it need you to understand?
Over time, this can create a different relationship with that part of yourself.
The goal isn't to silence your inner critic or become someone who never feels anxious, angry, or afraid. It's to develop more freedom in how you respond to those experiences, rather than feeling controlled by familiar reactions.
This work can help you:
Better understand your emotional responses and recurring patterns.
Develop greater compassion toward yourself.
Recognize the protective intentions behind difficult thoughts and behaviors.
Make room for conflicting feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them.
Feel more connected to your needs, values, and emotions.
Respond to yourself and others with greater clarity and choice.
What Does IFS Therapy Look Like
IFS therapy is an experiential and collaborative process. Rather than simply talking about what is happening in your life, we'll also spend time noticing what is happening inside you.
We might begin with something that happened during your week, a relationship that feels challenging, a recurring worry, or a feeling you've been having difficulty understanding.
From there, we can slow things down and explore the different parts of your experience.
For example, if you're feeling anxious about a difficult conversation, we might get curious about the part that is anticipating conflict, the part that wants to avoid the conversation, and perhaps another part that feels frustrated about not speaking up.
We'll explore these experiences at a pace that feels manageable, paying attention to your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations along the way.
You don't need to know anything about IFS before starting therapy. You also don't need to be particularly good at identifying or describing your parts. We'll figure that out together.
This isn't about forcing a particular experience or following a predetermined script. It's about building enough understanding and connection that you can begin relating to yourself in new ways.
IFS Therapy With Monty Faidley
I'm an Illinois-based therapist in Chicago who completed Level 1 training in Internal Family Systems. My approach combines IFS with relational psychodynamic therapy, helping people understand their internal experiences, emotional patterns, and relationships.
I believe that even the parts of ourselves we struggle with deserve to be understood. Our work together is collaborative and grounded in curiosity, helping you develop a different, more compassionate relationship with yourself.
I work with individuals, including LGBTQ+ clients and professionals and high achievers navigating anxiety, self-criticism, shame, relationship challenges, and emotional disconnection. I also work with couples seeking to better understand themselves and each other.
Is IFS Therapy Right for Me?
IFS can be helpful for people who want to understand themselves more deeply and explore the patterns that continue to affect their emotions, relationships, and everyday lives.
You might consider IFS if:
You understand your patterns intellectually but still find yourself repeating them.
You feel like you're constantly fighting with yourself.
You struggle with an inner critic, perfectionism, or unrealistic expectations.
You have difficulty understanding or expressing your emotions.
You find yourself reacting in ways that don't reflect how you want to show up.
You want to understand how earlier experiences continue to influence your present life.
You want to develop a more compassionate relationship with yourself.
You don't need to identify with every one of these experiences, and IFS isn't the only approach that can help. The most important thing is finding a therapeutic approach and relationship that feel like a good fit.
Frequently Asked Questions About IFS Therapy
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IFS is a form of psychotherapy, but it often involves more than talking about events and experiences. Along with discussing what's happening in your life, we'll explore your internal responses, the different parts of your experience, and the feelings and beliefs connected to them.
The work is collaborative and experiential, allowing us to understand patterns that may be difficult to change through insight alone.
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No. Some people find it helpful to imagine or describe their parts, while others experience them more as feelings, thoughts, physical sensations, or familiar reactions. There isn't one correct way to experience parts work. We'll find an approach that feels natural and comfortable for you.
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Yes! IFS can be useful for exploring the parts of us that worry, anticipate problems, or have difficulty letting go of uncertainty. Rather than focusing only on stopping anxious thoughts, we can become curious about what those thoughts are trying to accomplish and what the worried parts of you might need.
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IFS is an evidence-based approach to therapy, and research on IFS is ongoing, with encouraging findings in many areas. As with any psychotherapy approach, outcomes vary between individuals. IFS isn't a guaranteed solution, but it offers a framework for understanding internal experiences and developing a different relationship with yourself.
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No. Although IFS can be used to explore the effects of painful or traumatic experiences, you don't need to have experienced trauma to benefit from this approach. Many people use IFS to better understand anxiety, self-criticism, relationship patterns, emotional conflicts, and everyday challenges.
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Yes. I offer virtual individual therapy throughout Illinois, as well as in-person sessions in Chicago. We can explore parts and internal experiences through telehealth just as we would in an in-person session.
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The first step is a free 15-minute consultation. It's an opportunity to talk briefly about what brings you to therapy, ask questions about my approach, and decide whether working together might be a good fit.
You don't need to know much about IFS or have a specific goal in mind. We can start with what's happening in your life right now.
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When looking for an IFS therapist in Chicago, look for someone who has completed at least Level 1 training through the IFS Institute. This foundational training provides structured education and experience with the IFS model.
Beyond training, look for someone whose approach and personality feel like a good fit.
Curious About IFS Therapy?
Developing a different relationship with yourself takes time, curiosity, and a space where you feel comfortable exploring what's happening beneath the surface.
If you're interested in learning more about IFS therapy or wondering whether it might be right for you, I'd be glad to talk.